I cannot sleep. Very strange- life has been so hectic that this has not happened in the longest time. I don’t recall a single sleepless night ever since I started work nearly a year ago…
I’m one of those who think too much. There wasn’t much on my mind when I collapsed into bed just now, but as the minutes of sleeplessness ticked by, I started to think about many things and figured I might as well pen them down, and hope that the glare of the computer screen tires my eyes out quickly so that I may just sleep.
Random Thoughts…
Letting Go… I’ve recently decided to let go of lingering grudges in my heart, some very far back. No more feeling bitter about distant and recent wrong, no more wondering how could that possibly happen, just no more.
It was surprisingly easy- it all started with randomly talking to an ex one day and halfway during the (boring) conversation, I suddenly decided that I’ve had enough- I had forgiven long ago, but I also decided I’ll no longer going to blame, or even allow myself to feel happy that I’ve moved past a person like that. My thoughts towards him shall be neutral from now on- it didn’t make me like him any more, but we all have our own flaws and I’m not going to ponder over his. It was liberating and it made me happy, even if he’d never know it- it made me feel glad to know I could talk to him with a genuine ‘how are you’, and not because I’d like to see if he has gotten anymore boring or miserable.
With that came many other forgiveness. Having done that, I knew in my heart that it was possible to be more forgiving and tolerant of people around me now. Less evil thoughts!
Piano…sometimes I wonder if I’ve lost my drive. When I restarted piano lessons, I wanted to take my Diploma and then stop right there. Somehow, one thing led to another, and without even thinking much over my choices, I found myself looking at the next exam. Its too difficult to quit…yet its been hard to force myself to sit down and enjoy practicing regimes in the same way. I’m always tired, always struggling between chilling after a day at work and sitting down to stare at the scores and my fingers.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m complacent. I often tell my teacher “I’ll find a way”, but I don’t know how much I believe in it. I guess I frequently ‘find a way’ out of various situations and pull through at the last minute, and so, my general thought towards most things is not to get too stressed up, because that ‘way’, hazy and elusive as it appears in my mind, would arrive upon me. Studies, piano- the 2 things that I’ve probably spent the most time on in my life thus far, it has always been like that. I often wonder if I’m too easy on myself, making excuses for not performing consistently.
And I don’t understand why I deserve such forgiveness, patience and understanding from my teacher. I could take forever to learn something, or play like crap, and he always says he understands that its difficult to juggle, and tells me that I’ll be able to do it. It makes me feel so guilty, so undeserving- I think I need to do a mental switch and tell myself that despite everything, if I’ve chosen to do it, then there are no excuses to do it worst than anyone else.
I know in my heart that I could be more disciplined than this. But ahh, consistent discipline is so difficult! I shall resolve never to have the laptop switched on when I’m practising (I know, its horrible that I do it!!).
And I am competitive with myself. I’m quite able to deal with personal failure, but still…I sometimes have such incredibly high expectations that I find them too lofty, and perhaps self deluding. Nothing I hate more than slipping back in my personal race against myself.
MBTI… Ben lent me a booklet he recently obtained about the MBTI, and I read through the different personality dimensions while waiting for piano lesson to begin this evening. Something in particular struck me- it likened our natural behaviours vs. learned behaviours to writing comfortably with our right hands (if you’re a right hander that is!) vs. being able to write with your left hand if you tried, but in a very unnatural fashion.
It led to many many thoughts. I’m conscious of the fact that I’ve many ‘learned’ behaviors- that’s why many are surprised to learn that I’m an Introvert, even though in my mind, there is absolutely no way I could be an extrovert. Is it better to adapt yourself to situations, or live by your own identity? I’ve increasingly been leaning to the latter in recent years, but I wonder if its sometimes too self-centered, too inflexible…
Always do what makes you at ease? I think I could lock myself at home for a month or more and feel pretty happy. But that ain’t healthy, is it?
Its not like I fake through life with ‘learned’ behaviours, but I think I’ve found that being flexible has its benefits at times. Like encountering new experiences …which could be quite rejuvenating, that my natural self would have avoided. LOL, I don’t feel like I’m making much sense!
I can’t believe I’ve written such a long ramble. I think I’m sufficiently tired to catch some sleep now… 2.5 hours to my morning run, and work…sigh.
She’s back, my purple mouse friend! We’ve always loved purple, but today, I think I realized there’s someone more crazy in the world than me.
In order to have more time, we ate at Tampopo Deli @ Liang Court, right next to my office. We both tried the stone grilled beef curry and it was really really really delicious! Curry + Beef + Cheese + Egg all jumbled together…we loved it and will be going back for more next week!
I’ve been very excited to give her the belated birthday present- the purple DKNY bag I bought! Practical, purple and perfect present for her. She loved it…I think!
Matching bags. =D
She told me this was ‘Part 1′ of my present and ‘Part 2′ would come next week…I looked at it and thought,
‘So many things!!! There is another part?’
I’ve missed her so much and had so much to tell her…I really love how we always feel close even after not seeing/talking for ages. We never drift, never judge, never hide. Looking forward to our second lunch date next week!
In my alone time in Bangkok, I ate many things, and bought even more things. Didn’t really take many pictures, but here’s some of them..
I was adventurous enough to try street food- fried fish cake with sweet chilli! 20 baht (80 cents) for a huge packet, and delicious!
My Thai friends brought out and introduced me to flavoured rice in boxes! Cute.
Cute tea pot.
I was very pleased to see pretzels selling in the hotel bakery. In Singapore, I’ve yet to find any nice pretzels…this was good! Only 30 baht ($1+).
I LOVE those peanuts. Bought 6 tins or more back. Only 40 baht for a big tin, and they come in tom yum, BBQ, wasibi, chicken and many other flavours!
I swear the Pocky in Thailand tastes better.
According to the difference in the weight of my bagage at Changi Airport Singapore and Bangkok International Airport, I bought 9kg worth of things. Surprisingly little.
Just to illustrate how much, the above is what I bought on my first day in Bangkok, LOL. Cosmetics were cheap, and earrings were plentiful, pretty and very cheap. I was tempted to buy them back to sell…
The golf shirt was for Dad! Saw it and knew it belonged to him.
Thailand has lots of cheap and nice bath/spa products. They looked much nicer than Body Shop, but I refrained from over buying. Bought the above fruity soap bars for my grandma and Lennel’s mum…his mum said she wished they could be eaten instead! LOL.
I was too tired to keep a shopping log. Other things included…a DKNY watch, lots of lingerie (Can’t help it, tis about half the price there!), lots of earrings, a Le Sportsac bag for mum etcetcetc.
Now to save money… Don’t need to diet yet because I managed to run everyday in Bangkok, hahahahaha. I miss the 5 star gym!
I’m glad to be home though. Expensive food, no nice gym, expensive shopping…but everyone I need is here and its all comfortable at home. =D
I was one of the ‘sisters’ for the wedding! And it was great to be part of this lovely couple’s wedding.
They dated for nearly 11 years…growing together since their Sec 4 days, and now they are finally married. Everyone was really happy for them, congratulations! =D
One of the highlights of the trip to Bangkok was visiting a refinery, a blending plant, a limestone quarry/mixing plant and finally. witnessing a road being paved. The whole value chain was very fascinating, I swear.
Never will I view a road the same way again. It’s so much more than a grey slab!
This is the best way to store your earrings when you travel!
It has been a tiring and intense week, but I am very grateful for the opportunity to attend this course. It was invaluable, especially for an inexperienced junior staff like little old me. One of the most satisfying experiences of work life thus far.
BUT more about that later, I am devastated by the work I need to do in the hotel room now!
Okay, probably not really fresh air, but it felt like it, analogically (does this word exist?) speaking.
This morning, I crawled out off bed at 6:45am (Bangkok time- so effectively I slept an hour more than normal) and decided to try jogging around Lumphini Park, which is right outside my hotel. Why waste a nice park right?
I was a little afraid that it’d be dark and dangerous, but instead, the sun was already blazing and there were loads of people in the park! I had an interesting time taking in the sights of other joggers, people doing Tai Chi (popular here among all ages man!), the lake and badminton players. Also got a peak of parts of the city through the bushes, which somehow felt like a safe way to find out what’s around.
I’m glad I took this route instead of the gym, never would have seen so many things otherwise!
PS: The gym here is awesome though. Spent some time having a good workout after the run.
Away for work from 27th June – 2nd July.
Have settled into the Dusit Thani Hotel in Bangkok. The first thing I did upon arriving was to… check out the gym opening hours, and then clear work E-mails. Ha!
Off to find food and check out the night market!
PS: Also burnt a hole in my pocket at Changi Airport. Duty Free cosmetics are amazingly cheap.
I’ve been jogging/running round the Upper Thomson/YCK area for 7-8 years now and it occurred to me this morning that the number of runners around has increased steadily over the years. On the way back from home in the evenings, I see runners. On Saturday mornings, I see other men and women of all ages starting out early to run to the reservoir.
Somehow, I find that incredibly heartening. I love running, and its nice to see more people running. I’m a believer in the notion that running/exercise is good for your health and heart, and that endorphins keep you happy, and its great to see more people trying to get healthier and happier! =D
On another note, I complain about my piano kids sometimes- so naughty! But its also extremely encouraging when you see them improving, or when you see a student you taught from scratch playing on the piano with both hands. I had moments like that this morning, with many of my students. It keeps me going.
Lennel <3
PurpleKim
