squareberry’s

Archive for the ‘Sad and Emo’ Category

Protected: Lingering Thoughts

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A confused thought

If I were to touch my heart and ask myself if I still believe, the answer is probably not really, veering on unlikely. I’ve always had strong faith in some things, but they were/are few and far between.

Would I declare that I have lost it? That’s  definitely hard to do with conviction. Would I then declare its till there? I don’t know. It just has been weighing on my mind a long time, though I choose to abandon the thoughts most of the time.

I just know that above all, I value freedom for myself. And for others, love and respect.

Sad News

I avoided writing about this for awhile, partly because I was wondering how to, and mainly because I’ve been busy.

My grandfather (yeye) passed away in his home on Vesak Day.

I wouldn’t say the family wasn’t prepared, but it still came as a shock when I heard the news over the telephone. I last saw him one week ago, never thinking it’d be the last…

The funeral’s later on, and I’m trying not to be too sad- Before the last 2 months, he had been relatively fit his whole life, and I guess its comforting for the family in a way that he didn’t suffer too much.

My yeye was always a quiet man, so it was hard to be close to him. But he always showed us love, smiling slightly when we visited, and giving us the biggest red packet during CNY even though he’s retired. Family gatherings, however few they are, won’t be the same anymore. I’ll miss him.

My most vivid memory of him was when I was young and still living at Gillman Heights, and he climbed a tree to pluck mangos… as a girl, I was shocked that he could climb trees. I’ve no idea why, but I’ve always remembered this of him and hope I’ll continue to.

Yeye, may you rest in peace.

PS: Very grateful to the colleagues/friends who came down to the wake, as well as my company for sending a wreath. A friend of mine couldn’t come for the wake because she was recently advised by a fortune teller not to, but she took an MRT to the nearest train station at 11pm just to pass me some bai jin (white money)… very touched.

Love and Hate

?

Pass me some motivation and lots of patience please!

Laziness

I’m seriously quite pissed off by my own laziness and steadily decreasing motivation. MUST STOP IT. I swear I’ll approach everything with more drive this week.

Protected: Fearful

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Protected: Heavy Heart

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This is how I’m feeling too…

Grandfather’s in hospital and may need surgery. Going to visit tomorrow.

I don’t know how to describe what I feel. I’m not that close to my grandfather, or any relative for that matter…but still, worried, saddened.

This is quite cliche, but it reminds me of the fact that you can never know what happens the next day of your life. That’s why I always try to live and treasure each day with happiness, chase dreams…and never be overly bogged down by anything for too long. Life is too precious and our days are too short.

This is how I’m feeling

Kind of like that.

But it doesn’t matter. I refuse to not let life go on.

Things have changed and I’ve changed the most I. I’ve learnt to be true to myself, and I can no longer sit and pretend to be something I’m not.

I’ve Tried, I’ve Failed, You’re Culled, GOODBYE.

I’ve finally come to see that some friends are not worth your while.

It doesn’t matter whether you’ve known each other forever, that you’ve been through a lot together- that you once were a real friend.

Some things are just  inexcusable, and I thus care no more.

What a liberating thought!